Is there anyone out there for you?
Asks Sirohmi Gunesekera
Janine was a dreamer. At twenty four, she dreamt of meeting Mr.Right who was somewhere out there in the world. It was only a matter of time, she felt, before she would meet him, fall in love, marry and live happily ever after.
How many Janines are there and men too who secretly or openly think of meeting someone special who would become their lifelong partner? And how many are there who give up an existing relationship and look forward to someone coming to them out of the blue? Or what about those who are dissatisfied with the eligible suitors they know and are waiting for someone they don’t yet know?
So is there anyone out there for each person? Or is life an empty dream?
For once, I have no straight answers.
Have you read the series of books titled "Chicken Soup for the Soul"? They are best sellers and many of the stories are culled from real life. One is amazed by the coincidences and even miracles that take place every day, according to the authors.
There are stories of lost loves and old flames who re-surface years later. Then there are the strangers who turn out to be loving friends.
So if one has hope in humanity, one is likely to come across a kindred spirit somewhere along the way. After all, if the average person lives to be sixty or seventy, the chances are many of finding someone out there with whom you click.
So are we talking of finding a soulmate? Or merely someone who will come to you and look after you because he or she loves you?
Yes, one must never give up on love. You may be sixteen or sixty, there is still the possibility that you may meet someone who makes your heart beat faster. The sad thing is that if you meet someone late in life, the chances are that he or she is already married or in a relationship with someone else. Never mind, without encouraging a married man, you can continue to dream of your lover. After all, everyone has the power of the imagination and no-one can penalise you for a fantasy which exists only in your own mind!
Oh yes, in your waking hours you can dream of Mr.Special even if you can only give him secret longing looks since he is already hitched to another! No, no, there must be no breaking up of an existing relationship unless both of you are dead sure that you want to marry and that you will be happy together!
Often, the idea of Someone Out There is little more than an idea and a way of escaping from the monotony of everyday relationships and routine. It is rarely that a woman especially goes off with a stray tramp as in the play by J.M.Synge, the Irish playwright. As she herself says, "And then, stranger, I got used to being lonely."
Yes, most of us get used to being lonely but that does not stop one from dreaming of Someone Out There who will come and sweep you off your feet!
It’s good to dream but one must face reality. According to feminist Germain Greer, in her book "The Whole Woman", there is no-one out there for a woman.
This is good realistic thinking and must be practised, shelving the idea of a Dream Man. That way you can be content with your own husband in spite of his shortcomings.
Yes. When you live with someone day in day out, the romance is often lost and the faults loom larger than life. Remember that your present partner too was once Someone Out There before you became a couple! It’s easy to romanticise from a distance and the magic is often gone with familiarity. The trick is to look for something special in your existing partner.
But if you are young, you can continue to look out for someone special. Not that older people should give up hope. I heard of a couple in America who were both in their eighties when they married, obviously for companionship.
Yes, I believe firmly that even a day or a year of happiness is worth waiting for, so do look around you and wait for Someone Out There who will come to you one fine day!